


Caffeine, pick up lines, social skills and lack thereof

by ShortcakeCrow



Category: Dangan Ronpa, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Human!Kiibo, M/M, and a really bad wingman, coffee shop AU, ouma is a child, saihara doesnt sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 17:03:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9617060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShortcakeCrow/pseuds/ShortcakeCrow
Summary: In which Saihara Shuuichi is forced to realise that he really shouldn't be pulling all-nighters, Ouma Kokichi snags himself a date, and Iidabashi Tetsuya is just really, really done with Ouma for the day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i got human!kiibo's name from cenicart.tumblr.com, follow her if you like ouma or just ndrv3 art in general!

Chin propped up on a hand, eyes closed, head gradually tilting forward, Saihara Shuuichi was awoken from his zombie-like state by the chair on the other side of the table being pulled out and his friend, Akamatsu Kaede, dropping herself onto it. Removing her headphones - that she’d been presumably using to listen to classical music, as usual - she took a sip of her coffee, beaming at Saihara.

“Morning.”

Saihara blinked, slowly straightening up and rubbing his eyes.

“I haven’t slept in 3 days.”

“I figured” she took another sip, placing Saihara’s empty cup to the side before his face could land in it. “You’re having a lot of trouble with that essay, huh… Are you sure you don’t want any help?”

Glancing at his currently closed laptop, Saihara shook his head, trying his best to ignore his pounding headache.

“Thanks, but I’ve managed to get a lot done yesterday so I think I’ll be fine” he stifled a yawn. “I’ll try and finish it tonight.”

“Good luck with that” Kaede laughed, her light, melodic voice as pleasant for the ears as always. Maybe he should ask her if she’d be willing to record herself singing and send it over…

On second thought, he’d rather not get called a creep by Chabashira again if he can help it.

\------------------------------------

“You better not be staring at the cute girl with the long blonde hair, because I’ve got dibs.”

Sending his coworker, Ouma Kokichi, a flat glance, Iidabashi Tetsuya shook his head in disbelief, placing the empty cups he’d been stacking to the side. Ouma huffed at his boring reaction, playing with the yoyo he’d just happened to find at - or rather, knowing him, snuck into - the coffee shop.

“Come on, entertain me at least a little bit! I’m bored out of my mind here!”

Sometimes Ouma proved to be surprisingly nice to have around. He was great at dealing with upset costumers, and he could have probably made anything off the menu with his eyes closed and a hand behind his back.

But this was not one of those times.

They didn’t get that much traffic to begin with, but being stuck with Ouma straight after the morning rush hour, with only one or two costumers popping up every once in a while to distract the guy for a couple of minutes was definitely not something on Tetsuya’s bucket list.

“Hello! Earth to Iidabashi Tetsuya!” Ouma began waving his hand in front of his face, and Tetsuya had to suppress the urge to instinctively duck to the side before he could bang his head on one of the cabinets.

Apparently dealing with Ouma’s antics was unavoidable today.

“Please mind people’s personal space.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever!” Ouma shrugged, his trademark childish grin still plastered on his face. “What were you staring at?” he inquired, leaning casually on the counter.

“Nothing in particular” Tetsuya raised a brow, “I was just spacing out.”

“Aw, don’t give me that! I recognise that look!” Ouma slapped his back with a sly sideway look - which Tetsuya really didn’t appreciate -, turning his head towards the costumers in the back. “You were practically undressing someone with your eyes.”

“I was not!” horrified, Tetsuya’s voice jumped an octave, face immediately turning bright red.

“The only question is, who?” Ouma mused, ignoring his outraged reaction. “Little miss grumpy in red with the twintails? The walking avocado with the hundreds of piercings? The cutie I’ve got my eyes on? Or maybe… Sleeping Beauty next to her? Not a lot of choices here.”

“I was not staring at anybody” Tetsuya cleared his throat, flustered.

“Sure you weren’t.”

“I was not! I’m not you!”

“Look, if you really, really want a shot with the girl, I’m willing to let you try once. Avocado-guy is pretty hot as well.”

“Ouma!”

The girl with the twintails sending an annoyed glare towards them at all the commotion, Tetsuya closed his mouth, Ouma snickering behind his palm.

“So, who is it? Don’t worry, I don’t judge. If you’re interested in Avocado-guy I can hook you two right up” Ouma winked.

Tetsuya let out a sigh, intent on not giving Ouma an answer. Despite what he’d insisted on, he _had_ been indeed eyeing a costumer - although definitely not for the same reasons. He’d noticed the half-asleep college student earlier, and was about to go save him from face planting into his own cup just as his friend arrived. He’d simply been worried; nothing more, nothing less, but Ouma seemed to be doing his best to try and get a different kind of answer out of him.

He wasn’t gonna give in so easily though.

\------------------------------------

“Those two sure are being rowdy” Kaede remarked, and Saihara lifted his head from the table to peer over his shoulder at the two bickering baristas in the back. “Are they always like this?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen them around before.” Saihara replied, staring at the shorter guy who happened to be cackling rather loudly. He usually hung out here at this time of the day, but the usual pair that had served coffee up until now - a mild-mannered girl in unusually elegant dresses, and an extremely energetic guy who had been hitting on Harukawa Maki over there -; he could only guess that their shifts had gotten rearranged.

As soon as Saihara reached that conclusion, the shorter guy suddenly leaped on top of the counter - his coworker burying his face in his hands, accompanied by an exasperated sigh -, and gingerly placing a hand over his heart, he lifted the other one to point at Kaede.

“You there! The pretty girl who stole my heart!” he yelled, paying no mind to Harukawa’s grumbling as she began packing her things up, realising she wouldn’t be able to study in peace if she stuck around here. “I seem to have lost my phone number! Can I have yours?”

Finishing the last of her coffee, Kaede crossed her arms with the hint of a challenging smirk.

“Take me out to dinner first, I might consider it.”

Beaming, the guy slid to the floor, marching up to the two of them with an air of confidence. Holding out a tray that he’d just grabbed in the last moment, he offered Kaede a fresh cup of coffee along with a chocolate muffin next to it.

“It’s on the house, Milady.”

Once Kaede had accepted his offerings with a small laugh and a thank you, he comically bowed.

“Ouma Kokichi at your service. Don’t mind Iidabashi back there, he gets whiny when things don’t go his way” he gestured over his shoulder. Said person appeared to be doing his best to merge with the wall, drilling a hole into Ouma’s neck with his intense staring. Not that Saihara could blame him.

Either way, seeing that Kaede was occupied with her not-so-secret admirer, Saihara laid his head back down, ready to catch about 5 minutes’ worth of rest before he was inevitably woken up again, but his plans had to be postponed when Ouma lifted his hat, peering at him from underneath.

“If you don’t mind, Sleeping Beauty, may I ask a favor of you?” not even bothering to wait for Saihara’s response, he tossed him his hat back with an impish grin. “Could you go distract my buddy over there before he’s crushed by crippling loneliness? I’d imagine the lack of my company puts quite a strain on the poor guy.”

Saihara sleepily blinked a few times, unsure if Ouma was _really_ talking to him at first - he wasn’t exactly the outgoing type, and he was sure his appearance reflected that pretty accurately -, and once he realised Ouma more than likely wouldn’t back off until he agreed to it, looked to Kaede for support.

She opened her mouth, ready to tell Ouma off, when Ouma turned back to her and their eyes met. They must have had an entire conversation within the span of half a second, because Kaede’s expression shifted to one of intrigue, and she looked back at Saihara with an all-knowing smile.

“Good luck, Saihara. I’ll be rooting for you.”

“Wh-“ Saihara fumbled for words, glancing from one to the other, but the two of them had already conspired against him, obviously knowing something that he didn’t. He wasn’t the confrontational type though, so after a long, deep sigh, he stood up, reluctantly walking away. He could hear Ouma snickering behind his back.

\------------------------------------

Tetsuya was never good at dealing with Ouma’s ridiculous attitude - he could admit that no problem, it wasn’t exactly rare -, but he was definitely more used to them than others. Which is why he was all the more baffled at Ouma’s sudden choice of actions, not having anticipated that he’d go to such lengths anytime soon. His face heating up from secondhand embarrassment, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time that he should never underestimate the guy.

Really, he should’ve known that Ouma’s plans didn’t end there.

Having turned his back on Ouma’s hijinks so he could regain his composure, he was soon startled by a costumer speaking up behind him.

Or rather, he would’ve been, if they hadn’t been so soft-spoken.

Turning around, he came face-to-face with the sleepy student from the table Ouma had decided to prey upon. Oh boy. His nerves already eating at him, Tetsuya unconsciously shrunk a little, hoping he wasn’t there to complain about his fellow barista. Unlike Ouma, he was easy to intimidate.

Luckily for him, though, the guy either had the patience of a saint, or he was too deep in his half-coma to even acknowledge his surroundings, as he simply ordered another coffee, plopping down on a chair right next to the counter. He looked like he was about to pass out, so Tetsuya nodded and got straight to work, making a mental note to scold Ouma later.

\------------------------------------

Drifting in and out of consciousness, Saihara struggled to keep his eyes open, praying to any god he could think of to last until at least the end of the day. He didn’t sleep much to begin with, so all-nighters took an especially huge toll on him.

Hearing the barista calling out to him - Iidabashi, was it? -, he sluggishly got to his feet, ignoring the lopsided way his hat happened to be sitting on his head, and was about to reach for his wallet when he tripped over his chair, sending the contents of his pocket flying.

His prayers were not answered.

\------------------------------------

Ouma’s obnoxious laughter following his every move, Tetsuya stared at his drenched clothes, a half empty cup in his hand.

He was stuck in the shop for the next 2 hours with no change of clothes, a small puddle to clean up on the floor, and an unconscious costumer draped across the counter, having landed there after colliding with the unlucky barista.

If he wasn’t such a polite guy with immaculate manners, he would’ve flipped Ouma off.

\------------------------------------

Saihara woke up at 6 in the evening.

His mind still a bit fuzzy, he strained his memory to recall the events right before he fell asleep. He’d ordered a new cup of coffee, and was just about to pay for it, when…

Oh.

_Oh._

Doing his best to ignore the panic that was starting to set in, he looked around, rapidly turning his head to examine his surroundings. He was still at the same shop, but Kaede was nowhere to be seen - in fact, the place was almost entirely empty, save for Harukawa in the far corner, who had apparently returned during the time while he was out.

He was lying down on one of the tiny couches by the wall, his jacket laid across him as some sort of blanket. As he sat up, it fell to the floor.

“Are you feeling better, uhm… Saihara?”

He flinched turning towards the counter to find Iidabashi from before - although not in his uniform this time.

“Ah! I, uh, I’m very sorry about what happened earlier!” he stuttered, searching for his hat. “I was pretty out of it, so-“

“It’s fine, it wasn’t your fault” the barista shrugged it off. “You were in quite a bad shape.”

Saihara finally found his hat buried underneath his jacket, and quickly put it back on.

“Still, I apologise for causing so much trouble” he insisted, feeling much more secure with the hat in place. “Oh, but… how did you know my name?”

“You dropped your ID. Your friend also happened remind me when I was asked to watch over you” Iidabashi explained, his matter-of-fact tone a contrast to Saihara’s own nervous one.

He must have been used to these sorts of things happening; he was an acquaintance of Ouma and all.

Realisation set in a moment later, and Saihara gave him an incredulous stare, wondering if he heard that right.

“Watch over me? Does that mean you’ve been here this whole time?”

“Well, I did rush home to change my clothes at one point…”

Before Saihara could apologise again, though, Iidabashi held up his hands.

“Please don’t feel bad about it. I was quite a bit worried as well, so at the very least I would have contacted your friend later to ask if you were alright.”

Showing only the tiniest hint of embarrassment, he waited for Saihara to take it all in.

Saihara stayed quiet for a few seconds, biting the inside of his cheek - bad habit, Kaede was gonna tell him off later if he made it bleed again -, then finally spoke up, as awkward as ever.

“Well, in that case… thank you, uhm…?”

“Iidabashi Tetsuya.”

He got his name right after all.

“Really, don’t worry about it. I was only fulfilling my responsibility as an employee” Iidabashi gave him a small smile. “But please make sure to get more sleep next time, it is rather unhealthy to stay up for so long in the long run.”

Saihara nodded sheepishly, finding himself lost in the other’s deep blue eyes for a second before silently scolding himself. This wasn’t the time to be spacing out.

He stood up, putting on his jacket, then turned to Iidabashi. The two of them silently stared at each other, neither of them sure about what to say next, until Saihara gave him a curt nod, his bag clutched in his hands.

“Well, I have to go and finish my assignment now. I’ll see you around…?”

“Oh, yes” Iidabashi nodded quickly, snapped back to reality from whatever train of thought he’d been following. “Please be careful on your way home.”

“Will do.”

However, their goodbye was suddenly cut short.

\------------------------------------

“No, no, no! Guys, seriously? After all the effort I went through to give you two some alone time?”

Startled by Ouma’s sudden outburst, Tetsuya’s head whipped to the side to see him sprinting inside, looking ever so slightly disheveled.

“Ouma!? When did you-“

“I was eavesdropping by the window” Ouma cut him off with a dismissive wave of his hand, rolling his eyes. “Who cares about me? We’re talking about you guys!”

Realising what Ouma was doing, Tetsuya quickly tried to shut him up, to no avail.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but we’re in public, please mind your manners!”

“Listen, I realise I’m about a billion times better at you when it comes to flirting, but for the love of god not even you can be this thick!”

“Ouma, I swear-“

“Nu-uh, I know what you’re gonna say and I’m not leaving you be until you at least ask him out for lunch or something!”

“If you don’t stop this instant I’m reporting your behavior first thing tomorrow!”

“As if you have the guts-“

“You can’t just go and pressure me into asking someone out right in front of them!”

“Uhm, I’m sorry, is this about me…?”

Temporarily ceasing their bickering after the timid interruption, they both turned towards Saihara, who appeared to be fidgeting, his cheeks the faintest color of pink. Tetsuya prayed for the floor to open up and swallow him, rapidly cycling through every possible kind of apology in his head so he could minimize the consequences of Ouma’s meddling, but Saihara continued before he could utilize any of them.

“I wouldn’t mind going out sometime… if that’s what this is about” he said, before quickly adding: “I’m sorry if I misread the situation, though-”

Ouma fist-pumping the air with a loud ‘Hell yes!’, Tetsuya froze, unsure if he heard that right.

Nervously staring at him from under his hat, Saihara waited for a response, and Tetsuya’s polite refusal got stuck in his throat. Ouma was most definitely wrong; he wasn’t trying to ask _anybody_ out on a date… And he was _most definitely_ not trying to ask Saihara, no matter how attractive he was with those long eyelashes and honey-colored eyes.

…

Okay, he might have been staring earlier.

Even so, isn’t it rather impolite to ask someone out he just met? Surely, there must be some sort of dating protocol that forbids you from asking the pretty, sleep-deprived guy who spilled coffee on you on a date. _Surely_ , he’d be breaking countless unspoken rules, going about it so casually…

Hands sweating only a little bit, he quietly exhaled, only daring to meet Saihara’s gaze now.

He reluctantly let his posture relax.

Maybe…

Maybe trying just once couldn’t hurt.

…

But he was still going to chew Ouma out later.

**Author's Note:**

> this got way too long lol end me  
> hmu if there are any typos, im way too tired to proofread the entire thing


End file.
